How to Save a Marriage

You probably never thought it would happen, but you found yourself having an affair. You never meant for it to happen, but it did. And now you are wondering how to save a marriage after breaking your vows. You love your spouse and you know it is going to be devastating to her (or him). But many couples do get past this. And the first place to start is admitting to it. If you don’t and she finds out from someone else, it will definitely be much worse.

Before you do tell your spouse about the affair, you need to first be honest with yourself as to why it occurred. Sometimes the real reason isn’t so obvious. Your spouse is certainly going to want to know why, and part of knowing how to save a marriage is determining why you (and your marriage) were vulnerable in the first place.

When you talk to your spouse, the more prepared you are to truthfully answer this question of “why”, the more able you will be to address the underlying issues. If you don’t answer it honestly, or if your spouse senses in any way that you are not, then that will only make things worse. So really take the time to try to understand the real reasons first. Honesty and openness in this situation will go a long way when it comes to how to save a marriage.

Something else you need to consider before talking to your spouse, is that if you wait for the perfect time, it will never come. On the other hand, you also want to choose a time when she is not harried, or when you are not likely to be interrupted. Also, do not tell her when others are within ear shot. This is very inconsiderate and disrespectful, and definitely not a good plan with regards to how to save a marriage! Do this privately, when the two of you are alone.

When you do finally have this conversation, you need to be straightforward. And, if you really want to do what’s best in terms of how to save a marriage after this kind of betrayal, you need to take fully responsibility for your actions. Don’t in any way try to downplay just how serious an affair is. By owning up to what you did, you at least show that you care.

Last of all, when it comes to how to save a marriage, particularly after something as serious as an affair, you must make every effort to try to understand the impact this may have on your spouse. You have broken your vows and shattered trust. She is likely going to be angry and hurt for awhile, and may withdraw from you or even need some time apart from you. The more accepting and supportive you are of her needs, the better. You will need to show her that you are truly sorry in order to start rebuilding the relationship.

When it comes to how to save a marriage after an affair, there is no easy answer. But if you use the above as a guide, you at least have a chance. There will be much work ahead, but many marriages do survive, and some become stronger as a result.