Save Marriage Alone

Marriage is often not easy. A successful marriage takes work, dedication, sacrifice, and compromise. But in some marriages, especially when serious problems arise or a crisis hits, you may feel you are the one who has to save marriage alone. This is particularly true if you have a spouse who has emotionally “checked out” or who is unwilling to communicate or work on the problems.

That being said, no matter what the situation the pressure really is on you to save marriage alone. The reason for this is twofold:

1) The only person in the marriage you have the power to change is you. You simply cannot change another person, even your spouse, no matter how much you want to.

2) If you make changes you spouse will inevitably change also. The reason for this is because when you change, the relationship dynamics change. This will require your spouse to adjust in one way or the other.

If you make changes wisely and carefully, your spouse may end up making some very positive changes also, and it will no longer feel like you had to save marriage alone after all.

Whenever there is a conflict in a relationship of any kind, the best thing you can do is ask yourself how you may be contributing. Relationship problems are rarely due to just one person. For example, if your spouse is treating you badly, you must ask yourself why it’s happening. Maybe your spouse really is a jerk, but if this has been going on a long time, it is because you are allowing it.

Dr. Phil, who has helped thousands of people in the course of his career, has stated it very well: “We teach people how to treat us”. That is a powerful truth. If you need to save marriage alone you must ask yourself what things you are doing that have taught your spouse to react to you or treat you in certain ways.

If you feel you are unworthy of being treated with respect, then people are often not going to treat you with respect. Somewhere along the way you have given your spouse the message that it is okay to treat you badly. Even if you have gotten upset, told him you didn’t like it, cried, or even thrown things at him, the fact that it continues to happen is because in one way or another, you are allowing it.

Now, this doesn’t mean you are the cause of your spouse’s bad behavior in any way. He is responsible for his actions. You are only responsible for your reaction as well as your attitude. But if you desire to save marriage alone, you must begin making changes in your reaction and / or your attitude. If what you’ve been doing up until now hasn’t worked, then to continue doing the same thing is futile. You need to do something different.

You have much more power to save marriage alone than you probably realize. By changing your attitudes, behaviors and reactions in the relationship, you will find that those changes will impact your marriage. The trick is in determining which ones will bring about the positive changes you desire. It may be that you need to seek the help of a skilled therapist to determine what changes will be the most beneficial. But there is hope, even when you must save marriage alone, as long as you are willing to make some changes first.